The Myth of Happiness

10-12-2025

By Dr. Howard Friedman MD | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps | Internal Medicine | HHOM LLC

A traveler walks the golden path toward a radiant sun, only to discover the light he sought was within him all along — a reflection of the journey from pursuit to peace.

Opening Poem ---- The Mirage

We chase the glow on distant hills,

Call it joy, call it peace, call it ours.

Yet when we arrive, the light moves on—

Until we learn: the sun was within.

----Dr. Howard Friedman, M.D.

Introduction — The Endless Chase

For centuries, humans have searched for happiness as if it were buried treasure—something to be found, earned, or possessed. This happiness myth has become a cultural illusion, a promise that if we work harder, buy more, or change our circumstances, we’ll finally arrive at the summit of contentment. The search itself has become a cultural myth, a promise that if we work harder, buy more, or change our circumstances, we’ll finally arrive at the summit of contentment.But the truth, seen through the eyes of both medicine and experience, is simpler and less glamorous: happiness cannot be found. It can only be remembered.

Happiness with a Small “h” — The Fleeting Kind

These moments are real, but they are short-lived. The happiness myth tells us such highs will last, yet biology reminds us they cannot. Most people equate happiness with pleasure. The rush of a new car. The warmth of praise. The dopamine surge after success. Physics teaches us that all material things decay; neuroscience shows that the brain habituates quickly. The mind adjusts, and the “high” becomes the new normal. That’s why the same stimulus that once thrilled us soon feels dull. This is not failure—it’s biology. External happiness is a spark, not a flame.

Happiness with a Capital “H” — The Baseline State

True Happiness—the kind that endures through loss, boredom, or uncertainty—does not depend on events. It is the body’s natural equilibrium, the mind’s quiet home. When thoughts subside—when we stop replaying the past or forecasting the future—what remains is presence. Meditation, mindful breathing, even moments of deep gratitude, are simply tools to return us to what has always been there. The mind wanders, but Happiness does not. It waits patiently behind the noise.

The Chemistry of Contentment

Dopamine gets the headlines—it is the molecule of pursuit, anticipation, craving. It makes us chase. But the quieter chemicals—serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins—sustain contentment, connection, and trust. A life spent in constant pursuit of dopamine spikes leaves the nervous system fatigued and restless. A life built around serotonin and oxytocin—kindness, purpose, service, love—creates lasting equilibrium. The veteran who finds peace in helping others, the spouse who finds joy in shared silence—these are chemical truths as much as emotional ones.

Home is the Self

Happiness is not a destination but a return. The home we search for is the self unburdened by comparison or fear. When we stop asking “What will make me happy?” and start asking “What keeps me from it?” the answers appear: distraction, resentment, illusion. Strip those away, and happiness doesn’t need to be built—it simply reappears. To dismantle the happiness myth, we must see that joy is not a destination but a return. The home we search for is the self unburdened by comparison or fear.

Conclusion — The Choice to Be

I am happy to share this reflection with you. I am happy to help veterans reclaim what was earned and too often delayed. I am happy to live in gratitude beside my eternal partner, my wife Ibojka. Happiness, in the end, is not a goal—it’s the quiet certainty that nothing essential is missing. Breaking free from the happiness myth means remembering that nothing essential is missing—only forgotten.

Closing Thought: Lasting joy is not the product of pursuit, but the residue of peace.

Closing Poem — The Quiet Within

I searched the world for joy—

in faces, in victories, in light.

Each time I grasped it,

it slipped like water through my hands.

Then one morning, before thought, before worry,

I noticed the stillness hat had never left.

It wasn’t found; it was remembered.

— Dr. Howard Friedman, M.D.

—Dr. Howard Friedman, M.D.

Board-Certified | Internal Medicine | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps

Founder of Howard’s House of Medicine (HHOM LLC)

https://www.hhomllc.com

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: What’s the difference between “h” happiness and “H” Happiness?

A: Small “h” is stimulation—new car, praise, likes—short bursts that fade as the brain habituates. Big “H” is baseline—quiet presence that doesn’t depend on circumstance. Enjoy the sparks, but build your life on the flame.

Q: If my brain is stuck in chase mode, how do I reset it?

A: Shift from dopamine spikes to steadier chemistry: consistent sleep, morning sunlight + walking, breath work (4–6 slow breaths/min for 5 minutes), real meals before screens, daily service/gratitude (name 3 people you helped or appreciate), and one device-free hour. Do these boring basics daily; they’re the lever.

Q: What if trauma or chronic stress makes “Happiness” feel unreachable?

A: Start with safety and nervous-system stability. Use grounding (feet on floor, name 5 sights/4 sounds/3 sensations), limit alcohol, treat apnea/pain, and get professional support when needed (therapy, VA resources). You’re not broken; your system is protecting you. With steady inputs and support, presence returns.