I Do Again and Again: Building a Good Marriage That Lasts

9-17-2025

By Dr. Howard Friedman MD | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps | Internal Medicine | HHOM LLC

Marriage isn’t just a vow made once—it’s a promise renewed every day, hand in hand, heart to heart.

Two voices joined, a vow made true,

A public bond, yet private too.

Through law and rite the promise stands,

Through daily choice, through willing hands.

Not once, but always, love must say—

I do again, each passing day.

---Dr. Howard Friedman MD

Thesis

Marriage is more than a contract. It is both a cultural institution and a personal promise—a public vow made before family, law, and tradition, and a private covenant lived out daily in trust, respect, and love.

Introduction

When two people say “I do,” they are joining one of humanity’s most enduring institutions. Marriage has legal weight: a license signed, rights conferred, obligations accepted. It carries cultural expression: rituals, ceremonies, and traditions that vary across the globe. And it holds personal meaning: the daily choice to stand beside another person through hardship and joy.

As a physician, I often saw how this choice shows up in subtle but powerful ways. Some patients wanted their spouse present at every appointment, a partner in their care. Others came alone, carrying their burdens in silence. In marriage, as in medicine, the presence of another changes the outcome. For me, the truth is simple: Ibojka is always with me. That is the difference.

Legal and Economic Dimensions

Saying “I do” binds two lives together not only in emotion but also in law. Marriage creates rights and responsibilities—inheritance, shared property, tax protections, the authority to speak for each other in moments of medical crisis. It can also mean shared debts, financial obligations, and legal duties.

But beyond the contracts and protections lies something symbolic: marriage is society’s acknowledgment that two people are no longer separate, but publicly committed. Even when couples write prenuptial agreements or manage separate finances, the deeper reality remains—marriage signals to the world that we has taken precedence over I.

Cultural Variations

Every culture dresses marriage in its own garments. In the West, we often think of the nuclear family, a couple setting out on their own. Yet across much of the world, marriage is still a family affair—arranged unions that tie not just two individuals but entire clans together. Rituals differ too: the tea ceremony in China, the henna rituals in India, the wedding lasso in Mexico.

At heart, though, the act is the same: a promise witnessed by community. Whether in a cathedral, a courthouse, or under the open sky, the words “I do” are meant to bind not just two people but the story of their families, traditions, and futures.

Social and Legal Change

Marriage has never been fixed—it bends with history. In America, laws once forbade interracial unions; today those laws are unthinkable. Same-sex marriage, once a dream, is now the law of the land. Around the world, definitions and boundaries continue to shift.

At the same time, many are choosing alternatives: cohabitation, civil partnerships, or choosing not to marry at all. Rates of marriage have declined, and the average age at first marriage has risen. Yet even with these changes, the institution remains deeply rooted. The words “I do” still hold power, precisely because they are voluntary—an act of freedom as much as tradition.

A Good Marriage

What makes a marriage thrive is not ceremony, law, or even culture, but the everyday practice of commitment. A good marriage rests on respect, trust, and support. It grows stronger through forgiveness, compromise, and a willingness to face conflict honestly. It flourishes when both partners share dreams, even while allowing each other the freedom to remain fully themselves. A good marriage rests on respect, trust, and support. Building a good marriage that lasts requires forgiveness, compromise, and a willingness to face conflict honestly.

I have seen how couples endure illness and hardship together—where the presence of one gives strength to the other. A marriage like that is more than a partnership; it is a bond that steadies two people through the storms of life.

The Three C’s

The vows of marriage don’t end at the altar. They are practiced daily through what I call the three C’s:

• Communication: Speaking honestly, listening deeply, and remembering that true listening means hearing, not just preparing your reply.

• Compromise: Finding solutions together, knowing that “us” is greater than the sum of two individuals.

• Commitment: Choosing each other every day, especially when life delivers hardship. Commitment is the glue that holds when health fails, finances strain, or time wears thin.

These three C’s are the vows beyond the vows. Without them, a marriage is fragile. With them, it can endure decades.

Conflict and Forgiveness

No marriage escapes conflict. The difference lies in how couples resolve it. Healthy marriages are not free of arguments, but they learn to fight fair: focusing on solutions rather than victories, addressing issues quickly, and refusing to let resentment fester.

Forgiveness is the other half of conflict resolution. No one is perfect, and holding onto past wounds is a sure way to poison intimacy. In strong marriages, repair comes quickly—after the storm, a hand is reached across the divide, and love is reaffirmed.

Conclusion

In the end, marriage is not sustained by law, ritual, or even romance, but by the daily practice of choosing each other. The words “I do” are not a single event—they are a rhythm, repeated in small acts of trust, kindness, forgiveness, and shared vision.

I have lived this truth in my own life. I said “I do” once, but I mean it still, every day, with Ibojka at my side. In the end, love is not sustained by law or ritual but by the daily practice of choosing each other. That is the heart of building a good marriage that lasts.

I said “I do” when vows were new,

But mean it still each day with you.

Through trials faced, through years that bend,

Love is the vow that will not end.

---Dr. Howard Friedman, M.D.

—Dr. Howard Friedman MD

Board-Certified | Internal Medicine | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps

Founder of Howard’s House of Medicine (HHOM LLC)

https://www.hhomllc.com

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: How do you and your partner renew your vows through daily choices and actions?

A: Each morning I choose to notice my partner first—asking how they’re doing, offering a small kindness, and doing my share without being asked. Over time those tiny, consistent acts build a habit of care that feels like saying “I do” again and again.

Q: Which of the three C’s—communication, compromise, commitment—has been most vital in your relationship?

A: Commitment has been the backbone for us. Communication and compromise matter, but commitment keeps us at the table when conversations get hard and when compromise requires sacrifice. Without that steady choice, the other two fall apart.

Q: How has forgiveness shaped the strength and longevity of your marriage?

A: Forgiveness turned offenses into lessons instead of weapons. We don’t minimize hurt, but we repair quickly—owning mistakes, asking for forgive­ness, and moving forward. That habit of repair has kept intimacy alive through the long stretches of life.