Conflict Resolution in Relationships: Finding Connection in the Middle of the Storm
- Dr. Howard A. Friedman MD, founder of HHOM LLC
- Sep 25
- 3 min read
9-24-2025
By Dr. Howard Friedman MD | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps | Internal Medicine | HHOM LLC
Not every clash is meant to destroy,
Some spark repair, some restore joy.
A pause, a breath, a hand, a hug—
Love writes its peace on a heart once snug.
—Dr. Howard Friedman, M.D.
Thesis
Conflict is inevitable in every relationship. Two people, two histories, two perspectives — sparks will fly. The difference between a relationship that deepens and one that breaks apart isn’t the absence of conflict but how it’s resolved. At its core, conflict resolution in relationships is not about winning an argument, but about finding the way back to each other. At HHOM, Ibojka and I use a practice we call The Gottman — adapted from John and Julie Gottman’s work — that helps us move from anger to empathy. We’ve learned that conflict resolution isn’t about winning. It’s about finding the way back to each other.
Introduction – Why Conflict Happens
Every couple, every friendship, every team has its own stories. Those stories don’t always align, and when they clash, conflict rises. Anger, fear, or hurt can boil to the surface. That doesn’t mean the relationship is failing. It means two human beings are rubbing up against the edges of their differences. The test of love isn’t whether conflict shows up. The test is whether you can walk through it together without losing each other in the process.
The Gottman – Our Practice
When one of us is triggered, we say: “Let’s do The Gottman.”
The speaker shares their feelings without interruption.
The listener listens fully, then validates and offers empathy.
The roles switch.
If the anger is too sharp, a 15-minute time-out cools the heat.
It’s not perfect. Sometimes it takes more than one round. But the structure keeps us from spiraling. It transforms blame into understanding.
The Hug That Heals
Beyond words, I’ve learned what speaks to Ibojka’s heart. Her love language is touch. Even in the middle of anger, a simple hug can shift the ground. It doesn’t erase the issue, but it softens the walls between us. That hug is a bridge back to connection, making space for the real conversation to happen. Every couple has their own version of that bridge. For some it’s humor, for others a walk, or a shared ritual. For us, it’s often as simple as arms wrapped around each other.
Other Paths to Resolution
The Gottman isn’t the only tool. Conflict can also be resolved by:
Compromise and negotiation
Problem-solving together for practical solutions
Agreeing to disagree on non-essentials
Seeking counseling or mediation for entrenched issues
The form matters less than the intention: to protect the relationship, not the ego.
Why Resolution Matters
Unresolved conflict erodes trust, health, and intimacy. Stress hormones remain high, the body stays inflamed, and the mind turns restless. Resolution, on the other hand, lowers tension, restores safety, and strengthens the bond. Conflict handled well doesn’t weaken love — it forges it.
Closing Reflection
Conflict isn’t about who’s right. It’s about staying connected while differences surface. For us, The Gottman has been a lifesaver. And when words fail, a hug often does the work of softening the battlefield. Resolution is possible when both people care more about the relationship than about being right.
Two storms can clash and tear apart,
Or bend the trees but spare the heart.
We choose the path where love is spun,
Through Gottman words and a hug well done.
---Dr. Howard Friedman M.D.
—Dr. Howard Friedman MD
Board-Certified | Internal Medicine | Veteran | U.S. Army Medical Corps
Founder of Howard’s House of Medicine (HHOM LLC)
Frequently Asked Questions:
Q: Why is conflict resolution so important in relationships?
A: Conflict resolution matters because unresolved tension erodes trust, intimacy, and even health. Stress hormones stay elevated, the body stays inflamed, and emotional distance grows. Resolving conflict lowers stress, restores safety, and strengthens bonds — turning arguments into opportunities for deeper connection.
Q: What makes “The Gottman” approach effective?
A: The Gottman works because it creates structure. One person speaks, the other listens fully and validates, then they switch roles. This slows down the spiral of blame and replaces it with empathy. Even if the first round isn’t perfect, the process keeps both people tethered to respect and understanding.
Q: Can small gestures like a hug really make a difference?
A: Yes. A hug or other form of love language can reset the tone in a heated moment. It doesn’t erase the conflict, but it softens the walls between people and opens the door to resolution. For many couples, that small gesture is the bridge back to connection.
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